When it goes too far and way past retrievable and it’s the first week in January, the lawyers and counselors are on familiar territory. It’s Divorce Week, the week when the most amount of people file for divorce.

Rob and Lisa had a difficult Christmas. She invited people he hates. He was monosyblic and drank too much cider. He bought her a new food mixer and she bought him a cashmere sweater. She felt unattractive and unseen, he felt trapped and withdrew even more.

Now the final straw has been drawn and he wants out. She wants to ‘Fight Fight Fight Fight Fight For The Love’ and he knows that ‘Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word’ but he is done.

After the love has gone at least for one partner, it’s so hard to imagine that the relationship still has mileage left in it. It takes two to rebuild a relationship and if one of you is not willing, then there is nothing I or any other coach or counselor can do.

I never fail to feel sad when I hear those words, ‘I want a divorce’. Because I know that most of the time the very mistakes that were made in this relationship will almost certainly be repeated in the next.

Do you over nurture? Then you’ll probably do it again. Are you over responsible? Then that will surface too. Do you find it hard to connect, be seen and heard or feel appreciated? Guess what? After the honeymoon period with a new partner, they will unconsciously trigger you and you’ll be feeling disconnected, unseen and unappreciated in a heartbeat.

So I’m here to tell you, if you are getting ready to divorce, that you have only just begun your journey on the path of understanding yourself.

Often times the first step is breaking free from the pain of a relationship that keeps you firmly in those old ways of being. You hope that in leaving you will change and find a new improved partner who would make all the difference.

But, as I have said in the past, you take you with you wherever you go. It’s unlikely that you will change or choose someone different unless you understand yourself exceptionally well.

So now is the time to take a real good hard look at what role you played in your relationship, how it impacted the other person and their reaction to you, and who you would like to be going forward if some of your old strategies are not working for you anymore. (And lets face it, if you are getting ready to divorce, you can be pretty sure they are not!).

This is not work for the fainthearted. This is discovery at a deep level and the most incredible, fulfilling, enlightening journey you will ever take. And, I’ll be with you every step of the way, helping you to rediscover the real you and redesign your life in alignment with what’s most important to you.

For Rob and Lisa its time to call time on their relationship. However both of them are determined to create a relationship as parents that will keep their family buoyant and design a working partnership that supports each other to do that.

They don’t know this yet, but by the time our work together is done; they will have an understanding of what happened to them, why it happened and how to ensure it will not happen again. I know this work will make the hugest difference to their lives, to each other and the people they love.

If Divorce is the way forward for you, then its time to let go and surrender the past and allow yourself to take the first steps into the future.

Call me for a chat. Let’s see what’s possible for you. Lets turn loss into gain and move forward with gratitude and an open heart. Its possible, I promise.

Love Francine

With acknowledgement to Cheryl Cole and Elton John