Sarah contacted me to talk about her latest dating disaster and ask me why it seems like she is always attracted to the ‘wrong’ kind of guys.

Once again, the guy she had been dating for several months messed her about, didn’t call when he said he would, borrowed money ‘because he didn’t want to use his cash?!?’ and generally led her a merry dance. I asked her how many guys like this she had been attracted to and she said ‘at least three’. Well you know what, we have a pattern going on here and Sarah is the common denominator.

Sarah is putting something out there that draws the wrong guys to her like a magnet. She isn’t the only one. And its not just females that get it all wrong. You guys have the same attractor factor buttons that when pressed; attract some exceptionally incompatible women towards you.

So why does this happen. Probably because you didn’t really know what you wanted in the first place. You were blinded by great ‘packaging’ (in Sarah’s case ‘a great kisser’) and I have no doubt that you’d probably spend more time creating a shopping list than you did creating your ‘great date’ list.

So if you want to save yourself time and upset, you’ll be interested to know that one of the main areas we look at when you work with me to find a new mate is ‘the selection process’.

The mantra is ‘Never Neglect to Properly Select’. Poor selection will lead to disappointments of all kinds and yet very few people take heed of this warning.

Here’s a question for you if you are back on the dating scene or at least thinking of it. Do you know what kind of partner you are looking for? Are you looking for a long term, a short term or a ‘friends with benefits’ type relationship? These are the first question to ask yourself and questions that Sarah told me she had never even thought about. She said, ‘don’t you just play it by ear and see what happens?’

Well, that’s one way of doing it. And you’ll get what you get. If you know what you want, you have a far better chance of attracting someone who has similar ideas to you and, whilst at the start of any relationship, of course you both will have to play it by ear in terms of connections, communication and fun, at least you’ll know where you want it to go if its working. Any one who knows about the physics of the ‘attraction’ process will tell you that when you want something, and you have a strong feeling about it inside that it’s what you really want; if you combine your desire with the belief that you deserve to have it, and you even know what it will feel like when you get it, you will attract it into your life. Think about anything you have right now that you really wanted and you’ll notice that the process is exactly the one you followed before it arrived.

So that’s the first step. The second is to find out on the first and second dates, when the other person is not as invested in the relationship as they might be further along the line, what they want. Men and women are more likely to reveal themselves early in the relationship because there isn’t any emotional investment yet. The subtle, but leading questions you will ask are available in my ‘From First Date to Soul Mate’ coaching programme. In this explicit programme I’ll show you how to define exactly what’s important to you in relationship and find out from your prospective partner what’s important to them without sounding like you are interviewing them! That’s no mean feat but one that is easily accomplished with the right skills to hand.

Its so important to find out as early as possible if the person you are dating is a match for you otherwise, like Sarah you will experience dating disasters that take some time to recover from. And that’s not to say that every date that doesn’t work out is a disaster. You may well meet some great people who become wonderful friends. It simply means that neither you nor they will waste time or emotions if you both want different things.

I’d love to help you in your selection process to find the right mate for you. It’s a short programme that delivers! If you are ready make your dates great, just call me to find out more.

Till tomorrow,

Love Francine