I know we hear about so many challenges that lie in wait for kids from divorced parents. Statistics show they are likely to do less well at school, suffer from anxiety problems, have difficulty making relationships and you can probably add many other ‘dis-ablements’ to the list. But I am here to tell you that it doesn’t have to be this way because I have just celebrated the proudest day of my life with my own son who was 5 years old when I divorced.
16 years ago when I divorced, I was very aware that my kids could suffer all kinds of separation and loss issues and I was determined to be their best parent ever. I was already a trained counselor and had discovered the most incredible parenting course, which began, as most accessible therapies did, from the USA. So I got myself a credit card, and bought myself a trip to San Diego to learn how to become a Parent Effectiveness Trainer. I knew that if it worked with my kids it would work for other parents and it was the most exceptional course that certainly delivered.
Parenting after divorce is a huge responsibility that cannot be taken lightly. I chose to make sure that my kids were lit up by their passion and learned how to discover what they did best and enjoy their lives. Parent Effectiveness Training allowed me to parent from a very different viewpoint and I loved using it with my own kids and teaching it to other parents.
Of course all teenagers go through challenging times. My daughter was a prime example of this. But did it have to do directly with my divorce? I’m not so sure. She is now the Events Manager at a prestigious central London hotel where she has won the ‘employee of the quarter’ award as well as having the highest productivity day rate of any employee. And my son, who was younger at the time of my divorce, has just gone from strength to strength as his passions have been encouraged and promoted.
He went to a mediocre school and then to Drama College where he gained distinctions that provided him with a Gold Scholarship to Westminster University. Today he graduated as a BA in Film and Television at the Royal Festival Hall. As they called his name they mentioned that the film he had written and produced had just won awards at the Beijing and Moscow Film Festivals and I don’t think I can even express how proud I felt as the mother of a kid who experienced divorce as a little boy. All grown up in his cap and gown he is living proof that divorced kids can excel.
I am not telling you all this to ‘show off’ (well maybe just a bit!), but really to prove that if right now you are wondering how your kids will survive your divorce – I promise you they can. Mine have never had silver spoons and have worked since they were old enough to have jobs. They are self sufficient, self motivated and excited by their lives. I guarantee you that if you follow a few simple rules, there are no reasons why your kids can’t be as accomplished as those kids whose parents stay together.
If you would like to know more about Parent Effectiveness work, please contact me. I am running small groups and coach the programme individually. I would love to help you put your mind at rest and your skills to work to give your kids the best experience of you as a parent, regardless of whether you live together or live apart.
Looking forward to hearing from you,
Love Francine
