Do you believe that the majority of people make the choices they do in life because of some compelling vision for a better future? They may think that making certain decisions like ‘that’s it, enough is enough’ means they will be liberated from the bondage of a less than satisfying relationship. Or how about ‘I’ll just wait till the kids go to University’ - which most people would view as an unselfish act that will keep the family in tact for as long as possible. Are these not good choices made by good people who know the score and want life to be better all round? You’d think. But the truth is that both of these choices are not so great because, in fact, they are based in FEAR.
FEAR is probably our greatest motivator to either do something or not. We are afraid that we if we stay, we will lose our identities, shrivel up and die silently of resignation and disappointment. We are afraid that if we leave, our kids will blame us and we’ll not only lose our security but also the love of our children. We are afraid the grass isn’t greener but we are afraid not to walk on it, because it just might be. We are afraid if we don’t date, we will lose out on love, we are afraid that if we do date, we will get our hearts broken. We are afraid to be successful because of what ‘they’ will expect from us, afraid to fail because of what ‘they’ will think of us, afraid to be fat and unattractive and afraid to be slim and cause jealousy. We are certainly afraid to speak out and talk about the big white elephants that stand in the way of us being getting close in relationship with each other in case we become too vulnerable and exposed or worse, or lose control or perhaps have to admit we are bored to tears and want out. Yes people, you may think that you are motivated by money, or status or personal achievement, or by being the kindest most understanding and caring human being and yet if you look deeper, its FEAR nearly every time that drives you. It’s FEAR that is your biggest motivator.
Why do I bring this up on a warm Thursday in July? Because regardless of the time of year, this is the underlying condition that many men and women live with on a daily basis and because no matter the season, when you peel back the layers on virtually all broken relationships you will find FEAR alive and kicking just below the surface.
And here’s the paradox. The reality is that FEAR is completely and utterly unreal. It simply does not exist! Here’s what I mean. Take a look at the acronym I made up for FEAR. Future Expectations Appearing Real.
A Fearful Story
Imagine you are walking in the forest on a beautiful summer’s day. There is a mild breeze and the sun is sliding through the spaces between the trees. You are minding your own business in a world of your own and suddenly you look down and notice that there is a snake right by your feet! You freeze and cannot move forward or back, you are rooted to the spot. FEAR kicks in big time. A single moment ago you were safe and now you are in danger. You could get bitten if you move. Why do things like this happen to you? Why did you have to take this route and not walk on the path like everyone else? There’s no one around. What will you do? The thoughts beget more thoughts all worse than the ones before. You are very hot. You panic. You manage to look down to check what its doing and you see… it’s actually a piece of old rope. Oh my god, it sure looked like a snake but no; it’s definitely a piece of old rope. Now what if I asked you to stand there looking at the piece of old rope for 10 hours or more and try to be as FEARful as you were a moment ago. Do you think you could feel the fear you felt again? It’s not possible. Not even if you stood there for a week! Its only possible when you believe it’s a snake and all your Future Expectations about what might happen Appear Real.
We create ‘snakes’ in our minds through our thoughts. Fear is deceitful and spins a web of lies. We don’t see what’s real or hear what it is really said. Everything goes through a ‘Fear Filter’ as we try to figure out the impact our every action will have on our lives. We try to cover every base and always miss something. It gets harder and harder to feel at peace, to know the right thing to do, the right path to take - hoping it’s the one without the snakes.
What’s the way out of FEAR? There is only one way. It’s a radical path, but it’s the only way to freedom. It’s a path with a heart. The one you stay on with your eyes wide open free of greed and guilt and fear of any kind, knowing that whatever happens, you’ll be able to handle it.
It’s the archrival of FEAR, the one thing that cannot live side by side with FEAR and exist for a moment.
You may already know what it is. The question is ‘are you living it from it?’ I would like to help you find your own unique way to letting it in to your heart. From this place you truly can have anything you want. Fear is never present in its midst – but then Fear is never ‘present’ full stop. If you want to learn more, please call me and we’ll talk and I’ll show you how to move forward with ease towards the life you truly do deserve.
Love Francine
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You can hear me on Radio Glastonbury today (Thursday 8th July at 12:10pm) at 107.1 fm or online at www.glastonburyfm.co.uk. Why not phone in and speak to me in person, I’d love to hear from you.
