So yesterday I showed you the Times OnLine Article about Mr. Osmau Tomiya, a professional "Splitter Upper". A man you can pay to choreograph a whole chain of events that will lead you to want to split up from your partner once and for all.I guess "honey traps", the method of setting up your partner with female company to co-erce him into infidelity and whatever they call it when men do this to their partners, is nothing new.

But, do you know what? I have found that no paid outsider is needed for those people who are determined to end their relationships. So what did you make of it?The conclusion I drew is two fold and can be expressed in two words. Fear and Greed. Firstly (and I believe this is the biggest component) there is the fear of rejection and wanting to take revenge for being rejected. Secondly is the greed of wanting to make sure you get what you "deserve" or that the other does not take advantage of you, or that money, as compensation, is used in order to lessen the impact of rejection or as pay back for unacceptable behaviors. Both Fear and Greed are familiar components of many divorces and many people spend thousands of pounds and hours, weeks and months of anguish to ensure that they get the "settlements" they believe they desire.The fact is that if someone is doing anything behind your back and being dishonest in any way, the only thing you can do is to get out as quickly and cleanly as possible. Sometime they are honest with you and tell you in no uncertain terms that they don't want to be with you anymore. So what does that say about you if you still feel the need to take revenge?

From observing revenge in action over many years I have never met a single person for whom peace, calm and an easy heart are the results of their actions against their ex.So what's the alternative when you are beside yourself with hurt and anger and unfulfilled desires? Well, there is really only one answer if you want to be truly at peace and it is contained in this example that a friend told me that he had experienced.

My friend, who we will call Richard, owned a large *pharmaceutical company. When he started the company it did not supply dentists and so he took on a young man called *Harry, who was passionate about dental care and Richard supported him financially to create this side of the business. After two years the young man had built a multi million pound part of the business supplying dentists and seven years later went to Richard and told him that he wanted to leave and set up on his own and take all his major contracts with him. Harry was completely honest. Nothing was underhand. Harry told Richard to his face exactly what he wanted to do. Richard thought about it long and hard and this is what he did. He thanked Harry for creating such a financially valuable arm of the business. He said that without him, that business would never have existed and that it had contributed hugely to the whole business as well as to them personally to their employees and their families. Richard said he fully understood that Harry wanted to do his own thing and branch out on his own, just as he had done 20 year's previously. He gave him his blessing, legally separated from operating the dental arm of the business and both remained friends and supporters of each other, feeding each other new business opportunities and staying part of each others lives.

I believe that this is the only way forward if you want to live in integrity and peace. Its not easy to let something go when you have invested time and money and love into it. But when you surrender and let go you allow yourself to be fully alive in the moment without fear or greed so that you can move forward with your life with a peaceful heart.So are you going "Japanese" or will you choose another way?

Till Monday,

Love Francine

PS all names have been changed to protect privacy.