This week, Cheryl came to see me with an age-old problem. She loves her man very much but he is distant and non-communicative. She says that physically they are really compatible but even then, its like he disconnects immediately after lovemaking and she is left feeling empty and unloved. She wanted to know what the reasons could be for this and how I could help her find ways to get him to be more emotionally available.

There are probably only a few real reasons why men are emotionally unavailable. Most men mature enough to handle it will want to be in a loving and close relationship. For those guys who really want to be with you but get disconnected here are some of the reasons why and what you could do to reconnect.

He doesn’t feel good about himself.

Lets take work. If a man is unhappy at work or does not have any work or his business is struggling, or there are debts or financial problems, this makes him less able to emotionally connect in relationship. Yes, he’ll have sex – most men see this as the release they need from upset – but as a woman, you’ll not feel nurtured because he doesn’t feel good about himself so its hard for him to heap good feelings on you. Most women would want to talk about the situation and reassure their man that all will be ok, but men really don’t want to talk about it because they want you to believe that they be able to solve the problem. Talking about it only makes them feel that you don’t trust them to sort it out.

The best thing to do is to keep on being loving and appreciative and let him know that if he does want to talk about it he can. If months go b and his disconnection continues, you will need to ask him if he is willing to talk to you or would he consider getting some outside help with you, because its getting to the stage where its impacting your relationship in a way that is disconnecting you too. Validate his position. Don’t make him wrong but let him know that you miss him and want to make the relationship work and need his help to do this.

He’s just getting divorced or he’s just separated or….

Timing is so important. In order to connect emotionally both of you need to get the timing right. If he is just getting divorce, just separated, in the middle of moving home or job or has kids who are younger or older than yours, all of this will have an impact on his emotional availability. Age can also be a factor and then of course, there are finances. If a man wants a woman who can look after herself or conversely wants a woman he can look after and you fall into the wrong camp, then he will avoid getting too close. Look to see if any of the above scenarios are similar to your man’s situation. Once again, you will need to talk about it but you may also have to face facts that the timing and situation may just not connect for you both.

Health Problems

Another reason men cannot connect emotionally is due to health problems or worries about health. This is one that is much easier to understand but nonetheless challenging. If you are in this situation, and your man has physical challenges, whatever they are, you’ll need to let him know that regardless of that, you love him and care for him. He’ll need reassurance and evidence that you will stick by him so that he can let his defenses down and trust you enough to reconnect.

So the above are some reasons why a man who really would like to be in fully working relationship is unavailable emotionally.

If you find yourself in any of the above situations with your man, contact me. I can give you the exact skills and tools you will need to be able to reconnect emotionally and enjoy a loving and close relationship. As long as you both feel the same way about each other, don’t let anything stand in your way.

Love Francine

PS: In my next blog, I will reveal the reasons why so many men, without any of the above excuses are not getting emotionally connected to women. You may be surprised at what you discover!