My ‘UnFunny’ Valentine

So it was Valentine’s weekend (yes I know it’s today too!) and can you imagine a worse way of spending it as a single person than at a Couple’s workshop with 20 couples all committed to making their relationships work?

Well, actually it was extraordinarily wonderful and heart warming to witness couples who were determined to work together to keep their relationship afloat when it would be so much easier to leave, but, it was jolly hard being the only single person surrounded by couples even though I was attending as part of my clinical training in Imago Therapy (See what I do in service of you guys!!).

And today, waking up to a shelf void of Valentines cards (though there are red roses from my gorgeous son) and a very bad cold, it really is true that there are some things in life that are better shared. (well, not the cold of course!)

Now this is not to be gloomy, as there is much to be said for being able to please yourself and many of us need to do much more of it.

But there is no real growth for any of us unless we get connected to someone who is ready and willing to take some risks and get connected to us.

For some of you this Valentine’s day may find you in a place where you are not yet sure whether to end your relationship or stay in it and you’ll go through the motions of the day, even perhaps going out together, but not really ‘being there’. Almost in some kind of limbo. Some of you may be ending your relationship and today confirms that you really don’t want to spend another Valentine’s Day feeling ‘like this’. For others who are coming out the other side of separation it could be a day to vision your new future with a new partner – may not right now, but today does shine a light on it’s possibility some time sooner or later.

From my observations and personal experience, we all long to get connected to that special someone who will understand us, laugh with us, have fun with us, talk to us, be passionate with us and love us with all our little foibles and we yearn to do that in return for them.

Its not just about balloons and roses. These symbols are great but they are just symbols. Real love is expressed every day in the way we treat each other and the way we hold each other in our thoughts.

If you are single right now or about to become single again, take time today to think about your past relationships and ask yourself what role you played in them? Do you notice as you look back, ways of being that disconnected you from your partner however much you intended them to connect you? Perhaps you disconnected on purpose to avoid getting too close for reasons you are not even fully conscious of.

Do you notice that perhaps the more you did for them, the more they pulled away or the more they did for you the more overwhelmed you felt? There is often a push and pull in relationship and sometimes you do one or the other and sometimes you swap over so that you both keep an unsettling status quo. And there’s a reason for all of these behaviours.

So if you don’t want to spend another Valentine’s day with the same feelings that you are experiencing today, if you want to understand exactly how you operate in relationship so that next Valentine’s day will be a wonderful shared experience for you, then contact me and lets create a Valentine’s gift for you that will last you a life time.

Lots of Love

Francine

PS Why not join me at my workshop in London on Saturday March 19th. Its only £50 for a whole day of skills and strategies that will give you What Every Woman Should Know about Successful Relationships.
Go to the home page and scroll down to the workshop or email me Francine@francinekaye.com

PPS Look out for me in OK Magazine this Thursday!