Really? 50 Ways to Leave Your Lover?
Is there an elegant way to reject an unsuitable suitor?Is there a loving way to leave your lover?
Is there a definitive way to dump a date?
What are the rules for closing the door and saying goodbye?
I know that most of us find this tricky. How do you extricate yourself from weeks, months or years with someone who no longer ‘does it’ for you? So as it’s the day after Valentine’s and we’ve got all that mushy stuff out of the way, here are some tips for those of you who are moving from lover to leaver:
Men:
Tell her that you are just not available for a committed relationship right now on account of the fact that you have just got divorced, are getting divorced, you need your space, the timing is all wrong, you are so busy at work right now or your left toe gets inflamed if you stay with one person.
And yes, you’ve guessed it, none of the above will be believed.
There are only two main reasons why men leave relationships. One is that they don’t feel admired or respected any more by their partner and the other is that their partner is too needy. If a man does not feel admired and respected by his woman, he will feel unsafe and insecure in the relationship and unable to please her. If she stops caring for him as she used to, its really upsetting for a man because its rare that he can fix the problem over night and that in itself eats away at his self esteem. With lowered self-esteem he will go off sex with her. If he goes off sex, he then looses the ability to connect with her emotionally and it’s the beginning of the end. Secondly if he believes that she has given up some of the things she loves, or she has lost her identity in some way, or she is putting some of her needs aside for him, he will fall out of love with her because he no longer sees her as the unique and rare person he thought she was. He wants to feel that he has a special prize that he is lucky to have and not one that’s easily available to him. And lets not forget criticizing, shaming or blaming which are also huge turn offs for men (well why wouldn’t they be?). A mans ears will tend to ‘fall off’ when he is ‘told’ what he should do, and a woman offers a ‘suggestion’ that simply doesn’t sound anything like a ‘suggestion’!
So really the most elegant way, loving and definitive way for a man to end a relationship is to tell the truth. The ‘growth gift’ that is the truth will allow your partner to move on with a piece of learning about herself that she can take her into her next relationship by behaving differently (if she wishes).
Strangely, not many people have the courage to tell the truth, which is sad, because it leads to so much unnecessary upset, speculation and misunderstanding that is carried forward into new relationships. And it makes it much harder to move on.
Women:
Tell him you have just ‘fallen out of love’, and its not about him, tell him that you need to be on your own to regain your own identity and you cannot do that with him, tell him that you think he would be far better off with some one better/nicer/more beautiful than you, tell him that your right toe gets inflamed if you stay with one person.
And once again, none of the above will be believed.
One of the real reasons a woman leaves a man is because she loses respect for him in some way or another. It’s vital for a woman to respect a man. If he becomes lazy, does not look after himself, can’t be asked or doesn’t pull his weight, women don’t have the same regard for their men. Secondly, if he cheats, and her trust is betrayed, most women will find it difficult to stay and if a woman believes she is being neglected, not seen, not complimented and not shown care and love, her love for her man will die. Alcohol, gambling and drug abuse (which applies to both sexes) is obviously another reason to leave And being miserable is another big reason. Women do not like grumpy men and do not want to grow old with them. Grumpy men are not sexy!
The kindest way to leave your man is to tell him the truth about why you are leaving. Let him know exactly what the reasons are. Don’t leave him in the dark. He will probably wonder why you have not told him this before (even if you believe you dropped huge great hints). If you have not communicated in a very direct way, he probably didn’t hear you, which means that this may all come as a very nasty shock. Expect fireworks.
The fact is that whilst it was thought that there might be 50 Ways to Leave your Lover, only one will ever really do the job well.
The one way to leave your lover, date, mate or spouse is to tell the truth. Call me old fashioned, but the truth never lies. The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth may seem harsh, but as you are going anyway, why not leave your lover something to work with? Something that they could do differently next time or with the honesty of knowing that you are simply bored, just want a friend with benefits right now, or any of the above truths I have mentioned. The truth will set you both free and I believe it is, and always will be, the only way to leave your lover.
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If you are having trouble with telling your partner the truth, why not get in touch. I can help you to find a way to speak your truth and move forward with complete integrity towards the next chapter in your life.
Lots of Love
Francine
PS Tomorrow: When the door has been closed on you, how do you let go and move on with your life, keeping your heart open and staying buoyant and never bitter?
