Right this minute, the very last thing in the world you may feel like doing is dancing with your partner or spouse. If your relationship is going through troubled times, I don’t imagine you’d believe that a quick twirl round a well-sprung floor could be great relationship therapy. But here’s something interesting to think about.
Great relationships have rhythm and tempo. It’s like the couple just knows how to ‘dance’ with each other. Interestingly, most dances, Ceroc, salsa, jive and ballroom are male led. This means the lady has to allow her partner to take the lead. Now there’s a concept!
This is not easy for you guys I know. A bit like it’s not always easy for guys these days to know how to please us women because there are no defined roles for them to play. In the dance, guys need to know when to step back; when to come in close, when to increase the tempo and encourage us to follow them whilst he keeps a flowing comfortable rhythm with his lady. At this point I can hear some of you saying, ‘yeah, like that’s going to happen’!
But here’s the thing. Women work so hard to juggle relationship, family and work (and not necessarily in that order) that just relaxing into the ‘dance’, and letting your man take the lead (at least on the dance floor) can often be just what the relationship needs to stop you from pulling or pushing in different directions, trying to connect but never really getting there.
It will always feel like your relationship has disconnected, unless you intentionally decide to listen to each other’s rhythms and tempos. (And that’s in every area of your relationship).
From my personal experience (and we are talking about someone with two left feet because I don’t ever have to use them when I’m coaching) allowing a man to lead me in the dance is a huge learning for me. I cannot dance to my own tune as I am so used to doing. I learn to let my body flow into the rhythm of the man I am dancing with - its almost like learning how to breathe at the same tempo as him. It’s liberating to let go of the illusion of control I think I have and relax into being guided. It’s also sensuous, delicious and loads of fun when it really works.
If you are a couple struggling to connect right now, each of you out of synch with the other for whatever reason and you truly want to learn more about how to ‘move together’ I would recommend you try it out. It comes with a warning though. Ladies, your man will not always get it right but believe me he is trying. Men, don’t let your lady take control or you’ll lose the whole point of the dance. Point out gently that they are ‘leading’ and just stop dancing for a moment. They will realize it just doesn’t work that way and you can resume your lead.
And just to make the obvious even more obvious – yes, we are also taking about male and female roles here. Whether you dance or you decide not to dance, there is something to think about here for you.
Till tomorrow,
Love Francine
