In yesterday’s Daily Mail, the wonderful Diana Appleyard reported that she and her husband had taken separate holidays this year as they both have very different ideas of summer bliss. I’ll bet this idea appealed to a great many people in less than happy situations as well as those of us who have suffered the frustration of being somewhere with someone who would rather have been somewhere else.

The holiday season is now in full swing and apart from the stresses of being with each other 24/7 when life has been less than lovely throughout the year; it’s time to admit that there are also those of us who are simply not ‘holiday compatible’.

How many of us have suffered summer holidays that were less than perfect with partners who either wanted to sit in solitude on a quiet balcony or embark on daring activities that are more like the Duke of Edinburgh’s Award Scheme than a relaxing break. Then there are the sun lovers and the sun haters, the retreat goers and the mountain climbers, the sightseers and the book readers not forgetting the land lovers and the seafarers. What on earth do you do if you were hoping to spend your well-earned couple of weeks off with your partner but you cannot agree on how to do that?

Firstly, don’t take it personally. Its not about you, its about what they find fulfilling, relaxing or exciting. As long as you can trust each other (in all ways) to ‘go it alone’, there is absolutely nothing wrong in spending some quality time apart. When you come back, you will have lots to talk about and although it would be lovely to take holidays together, its just a few weeks out of a whole year and its quite healthy to spend some of it apart.

Secondly, if you are really committed to having time together, I am quite convinced that if you come from that intention, you will find something you would both enjoy doing together even just for a weekend. Some people don’t have the patience for long breaks, so a long weekend may be absolutely perfect. Nagging them into something else defeats the object of togetherness anyway.

Thirdly, if your partner regularly wants to go away without you, are there alarm bells ringing? If you cannot find anywhere you both want to spend even a short amount of time together, its time to ask the difficult questions that have been brewing all year.

Holidays are a time to be with each other without work distractions. It’s really an opportunity to chill out, have fun and hopefully some romance and the kind of conversations that only happen after you have left the ‘world’ behind you. It’s a time to take it easy, no rush, slow down and enjoy.

For some of you though, this may be the last thing you can face with your partner right now and yet you have to go ‘for the sake of the kids’. I would suggest you make a conscious effort to put your relationship challenges on hold for the holiday. Give the kids the best time ever and let you brain take a break from upset and uncertainty. Give each other ‘time out’ from arguing and upset and call a ceasefire so you can both recharge your depleted batteries. I know it’s hard, but if you consciously choose to do this, you will at least come back feeling a little more able to face your future challenges.

Lastly, to all those of you who are ‘going it alone’ for the first time. Be sure you are going somewhere you know your needs will be taken care of. Use the time to think about the year ahead of you. Be responsible but be friendly and be open to meeting all kinds of new and interesting people. Take trips that appeal to you, remember there is no one to nag you or stop you doing anything you want to do. Be safe. You will meet all kinds of people on the beach, by the pool, on buses and planes. If you do embark on a holiday fling (and why not?) be clear you know what you are doing. Look after your possessions at all times – I know someone who lost her flip-flops on the second day of her holiday and almost caused an international incident! Return safe and sound in both body and mind and get ready to plan your next trip.

And, if you are at all concerned about how you will manage your holiday, together or alone, do give me a call and we can discuss your strategy for the weeks ahead.

Till tomorrow,

Love Francine