Why is it that Saturday night is the worst night to be single? Every other night is easily over come. It’s easy to handle Monday through Friday. We see our friends, go to work events, the gym, go to all kinds of classes, do stuff with our kids and of course get an early night if we have a heavy work schedule. But Saturday – that’s the night that people in relationships go out together. Its couple’s night. So what does a Single on a Saturday do when there is no one to play with? The answer? Go out on your own. Yes, I do mean go out on your own!

Now I would never ask my clients to do anything I would not do myself. Over the past 20 years studying human behaviour, I back up everything I learn by experiencing as much as I can myself. This means I can relate to my clients and give them the right skills and strategies to move forward with their lives. So when this Saturday night approached and I found myself ‘almost’ home alone, I decided to experience going out on my own. Here’s how I began formulating the idea and the subsequent conversation that took place in my own head.

‘John Regan is on at the Jazz club in London. I really really want to go but there is no one to go with. I know I’ll ask a friend. (Ten minutes later). My friend doesn’t want to go. Ok I won’t go. (One hour later). I really really want to go. What time does it start? 9pm. How would I get there? Well, I could go by car, as I’ll be able to park after 8pm nearby. Do I want to spend the money on the ticket, a drink and the price of a meal? Yes, I really really want to go, in fact I need to go because I want to hear JR sing and be in a fabulous atmosphere on a Saturday night. Ah, but I might be lonely? Yes, but once the music starts I will love it and I may meet someone else on their own. But what if I don’t. What if it’s a really dreadful experience and I hate it? Could happen, but because I really want to go, I’ll go with the attitude that whatever else happens I will enjoy the music. Right. I am going!’

And in an instant I realized that if I spent my life waiting for the right person, or any person come to that, to be with me before I do anything, I will probably not do half the things I really want to do. The point I am making here is that if you find yourself Single on a Saturday night and you stay in, you will definitely still be single on Sunday morning. Saturday night is now over and you spent a night in alone when you could have done any number of things that you wanted to do, but didn’t do, because of all the reasons you made up about it not being possible on your own. Take action however, and whilst you will probably still be single on Sunday morning, you will not have missed out on something you really wanted to do. So here’s the strategy that I followed and it would be great to hear from anyone who tries this out so that other people can hear your experiences:

• Find something you really really want to do and would love to do if you had a partner or a good friend to do it with.
• Discuss in your own head the logistics of doing it on your own. For example getting there and getting home by yourself, the costs involved, and a plan of action that ensures your safety at all times.
• Now listen to the voice in your head that says ‘yeah but you can’t do this on your own, you’ll look really sad, you don’t have the guts, you’ll be so lonely’ and just say to the voice ‘thank you for sharing. I shall now look into what you have told me and consider these consequences’.
• Consider them and unless there is a real danger to yourself in any way, the voice is just trying to keep you playing a small game with your life. Decide to do it anyway.
• Just to make sure, on a scale from 1-10 (if 10 was ‘yes I really really want to do this’ and 1 was ‘I can’t be asked’) really make the choice to do it or not do it.
• Choose your attitude. Yes, you can choose your attitude and it’s vital that you do so. Choose to have fun and use the evening as a learning experience. So whether it’s fabulous or a flop makes no difference. You had the courage to do it and you will have learned something more about yourself.
• If you are having a really terrible time when you get there – go home. The great thing about taking yourself out is that you get to choose when you have had enough.
• Don’t make it mean anything negative about you. Adding meaning to an experience can change the whole experience. Be able to stand back and see the experience for what it was, not what you make it mean about who you are.
• Have your mobile phone charged and with you.
• If travelling by car have your RAC/AA card with you at all times.
• Have a reliable taxi service number if you need it.
• Make sure you have loose change for parking meters.

By the way, I had an absolutely fantastic time. The music was sublime and I learned that it’s perfectly possible to enjoy an evening doing something you want to do in your own company. A friend recently said to me ‘I like going on holiday on my own because I like being with me’. I know what he means. If you don’t like being with yourself and cannot be with yourself, then you will always be a ‘needy’ partner looking for the other person to complete you. That’s a huge responsibility for someone and not a desperately attractive feature in you. Learn to like being with you. I have learned to like being with me. I know what music I like, I know what food I like and I really like giving me what I want. I like how much I enjoy myself with me. I’m fun to be with and I have fun with me. As a bonus I met a lovely couple and ended up having coffee with them after the show.

Of course, I could have just stayed home alone!

With Love from Me to You,
Francine x