So how was your weekend? What did you do? Or more to the point, ‘What did you Say and to Whom?
When you are experiencing difficult times its incredibly tempting to tell a best friend, a family member or whoever it is that you call your confidante, rather a lot about your situation. We are so grateful to talk about the stuff that has been going around in our heads to a sympathetic listener that we sometimes say far more than we should. It’s true that we all need support around us but there are a few pitfalls to take into consideration.
If you reveal exactly how you feel, exactly what you think of your ex or some private conversation the two of you had that you had both agreed to be off limits for outside discussion with anyone else, you set yourself and your ex up for the judgment and the opinion of others. This may bring you instant gratification in the form of agreement with whatever you reveal, because their loyalties lie with you and not your ex. However, it can also backfire because if you and your ex decide to get back together, you will have set yourself up for the advice of others and the embarrassment of them knowing something about your ex that was private and never for their ears.
Many years ago a wise woman gave me a very good piece of advice. She said ‘keep your counsel’. Basically, think before you speak and if you must reveal, choose your confidante’s carefully. Think ahead before your mouth gets into gear. Don’t set yourself up for future embarrassment if your decisions change. Only ever reveal to someone you know would not even share your confidence with their dog, let alone their own partner or let it ‘accidently slip out’ with anyone. Here’s the thing. Mostly we just want to dump our stuff, get it off our chests and have someone else tell us how justified we are to feel this way or that. I have something else to tell you. Unless they have taken the job of your coach or counselor, it can get just a teensy bit boring if you only have the one story, which seems to be on a continuous loop. However much they love you, you may notice that they are slightly busier than they used to be when you suggest meeting up or call them on the phone. At the very least, you may notice a glazed expression in their eyes as you speak, which, you can be pretty sure, are not cataracts.
I know its hard to keep it all in your own head, but try to be choosy about what you reveal. If you need to let it all out, to try and make sense of your situation, do it with someone who can help you gain clarity and help you move forward with your life. When people work with me they know that I have no other agenda for them except to get to the truth of the matter and figure our what happened, why it happened and show them ways of making sure it never happens again. So if you really want to talk, go ahead and call me. It’s always good to reveal to the right person.
Till tomorrow,
Love Francine
