Call me old fashioned, but I still measure a man by his manners. Regardless of the car he drives, the job he does, the amount of money he has in the bank, I love it when he holds the door open for me, allows me to walk through first, helps me on with my jacket, doesn’t keep me waiting (even if I’m a teensy bit late) and generally treats me like a lady. That scores him a million brownie points in my book.

It’s also a real turn on for me as a woman, to be told I look lovely. If I’m going out for the evening with a guy, its clear that like most women, I’ll make an effort. If I don’t get some acknowledgement for that as we meet, like most women, I won’t relax into feeling like I want to be as attentive towards him as I’d like to be. That’s certainly true for me and I also have done a bit of survey of this over the years. From what I’ve heard, a lot of ladies feel the same way.

So it was quite a shock to experience exactly the opposite, in, of all places, the Deer Park where I go for a walk. Readers of my blogs will know that I have many strange and unexpected experiences in the Deer Park, ranging from confrontations with cows to being spotted as ‘that woman off the Trisha show’ and asked to pull up a log, to listen to a couple in conflict.

Yesterday morning however, briskly walking in the sunshine, I was a little taken aback at the behaviour of a man who I imagine was in his early 60’s. Now this may not seem a big deal to you, but I found it strangely disturbing.

I had always held the belief that men of a certain age were 'born' with manners. Something that was instilled in them from an age gone by when gentlemen gave up their seats on the train and women graciously accepted without refusing the invitation because they imagined the guy thought they looked 6 months pregnant or prematurely aged.

So when I found myself approaching one of the many turnstiles along the path and noticing this man striding towards me on the other side of the turnstile, I automatically assumed he would stop and let me go through first. I even took steps towards the turnstile which meant I was almost on top of it, when he barged through knocking me into the bushes!

As I got back on my feet, I announced very loudly that ‘the age of chivalry was clearly dead and gone’ but he took no notice whatsoever. At the same time another man, also in his 60’s with his dog who had watched the whole thing said, ‘well, how rude, I don’t think I would have believed that if I hadn’t seen it happen’. That certainly helped me to calm down, especially as he looked at me and said ‘and your’e not a bad looking woman either!’ (Which I guess added to his surprise at the other guy’s behavior and which was especially nice when you are make up free and wearing gym clothes).

And where’s all this going. Well, I carried on with my walk, with these two experiences in mind and decided to work out what had upset me about the manners/chivalry thing.

I came to the conclusion that even though I am quite capable of opening a door, putting on my own jacket and even giving up my seat on the train to man who looks like he might need it - I actually don’t want to.

I hold on to a desire and, perhaps a fantasy, that men are knights in shining armour who will look out for their damsel even when she is not in distress. I’d like to think that a man will protect and respect me, carry my bag when its heavy and do all the man tasks that I can easily do, but would prefer not too.

This then leaves me free to be a lady. To be attentive and interested, appreciative and acknowledging. I realized that for me, even as a woman who can go out on her own, run a successful coaching practice and run a home as a single mum for the past 17years, the male female roles are as important today as they have ever been. I rest my case for a man with manners everytime and then I’ll be a lady in every way.

Its no surprise that when I work with couples who have blurred these guide lines, I notice that neither of them are that happy. I really believe that it’s vitally important for women to retain their femininity and for men to take on the masculine role that is their genes. Whilst I know that this is made difficult by a society that has blurred boundaries around this, I believe that in our intimate relationships we need to pay attention to this aspect of our relating.

So if you find that you are taking on a more masculine role as a woman or feeling uncomfortable with expectations of you as a man, I have a specific strategy to help you readdress the balance and redefine your role in relationship.

I’ll be happy to have a chat with you about how I can help, so go ahead and email me Francine@francinekaye.com or call me on 0208 416 0121.

Love Francine