Did John Terry wake up one morning and think “how can I really hurt my wife today? – I know I’ll sleep with her close friend and to make it a double whammy, I’ll make sure it’s the ex girlfriend of my best mate and team player Wayne Bridge”.

I don’t believe John Terry had any idea how his behaviors would impact anyone. That’s because I believe that John Terry was thinking solely about John Terry.

And why did he do it? Simple. Just because he can!

And that’s the problem. When a man becomes so revered for his abilities, is rewarded with enormous amounts of money, has women allegedly throwing themselves at him and is then made Captain of the England football team, he would have to be made of exceptionally strong moral stuff not to forget who he really is and start believing that he can do and have whatever he wants.

And because, until now, the rest of us have colluded with him so he can maintain this behaviour by turning a blind eye, its almost like he has had permission to behave in this way.

As long as Mrs. Terry is prepared, to give her husband ‘one more chance’, even when she surely knows that her husband is lacking in all the morals and standards required in a marriage, there will be no consequences to his behaviour. No consequences means that John Terry will not grow in any way or become anything better than he is. He would have to believe that he will experience genuine hurt if Mrs. Terry left him and took his kids if he does it again. But it’s a bit like smoking. You don’t think of dying while you are doing it because you don’t know what dying is like. You don’t know what its like to be divorced or separated until it happens. Will John Terry do it again? It’s highly likely. Marriage is a commitment to be there for each other emotionally, physically and financially. John Terry has blown that commitment to shreds time after time but Mrs. Terry will undoubtedly hang on in there, colluding with him to maintain his behaviour at her expense giving her husband yet another opportunity to hurt her again. My experience shows that women who stay with philandering men do so for several reasons. They are either afraid of being alone, cant bear the thought of being rejected, would be in financial difficulties if they left, stay because of the kids, need to keep proving that he will come back to her because she is the only one he really loves or believe they love their husbands so much they are able to compromise their own needs and desires and most of all because they don’t have identities of their own. All of these are terrible reasons to stay.

So what will happen next? If Mrs. Terry’s reasons are anything like those above, she will remain stuck in substandard marriage until the pain of staying is worse than the risk of leaving.

Does a marriage like this have any mileage left in it? With all its public humiliation and the fact that trust is at ground zero. Honestly, I don’t hold out much hope, but because experience has shown me that anything is possible, I can say that with the right intervention it still may be possible to save this relationship, if there was a genuine commitment from JT to remain faithful. Even then he would have to provide Mrs. T with a bucket load of evidence that she could trust him again. He would have to answer her questions and become transparent in his every day life. Alternatively, if Mrs. Terry is able turn a blind eye to his ‘outside interests’ as the pragmatic wife of Avrum Green was able to do when he was allegedly spotted leaving a dubious ‘massage’ parlour, then JT will have gotten away with having his cake and eating it too as they say in the classics.

Taking off my slightly cynical hat regarding this whole debacle, here’s what I would do if they came to me for help.

Here’s how I would help them.

• Firstly I would establish how they keep reinforcing their individual unproductive behaviours with each other. The fact is that no one can ‘do’ anything to you unless you allow it. So what’s the benefit for both of them in staying in this cycle with each other?
• Secondly I would discover what each of them really needs from the other and what’s currently missing and
• Thirdly I would show them how to listen and talk to each other so they both feel heard and understood and can express their needs effectively.

If John Terry has the intention of making his marriage work, with time and effort it could happen. If they both decide to call time on their relationship I sincerely hope they can do it with dignity so they can continue to parent effectively and both move on with their lives.

If however the whole furore surrounding John Terry is much more about the betrayal of his friend and team mate, (which I suspect it is) then Mrs. Terry may well take second place to placating the thousands of fans who believe that John Terry has gone a ‘Bridge’ too far.