This is one of the questions I ask my clients going through relationship issues. They might be thinking of leaving an existing relationship, they may have left the relationship and wonder if they really did the right thing, or they may be searching for their soulmate and wondering if they will ever find each other. When I ask them ‘What Stands in the Way of you Being Happy Right Now’? I discover an incredible fact that comes up over and over again.

Virtually all of them are Arguing with Reality. The truth is that If You want to be Happy Right Now, You have to Stop Arguing with Reality.  The reality is that the situation you are in, for whatever reason, is where you are right now.  You simply cannot argue with ‘What Is’. Whatever your situation, it’s exactly the way it is and to argue with your reality by putting up a great deal of resistance towards it, will always lead to upset and frustration. That’s not say that you cannot change your future reality, but right now, the ‘Reality is What it Is’.  The thing is though, how many people do you know who are looking for relationships or who are recovering from old ones who argue with their reality? I’ll bet it’s the majority. 

So how do you live in reality when your reality isn’t much fun?   The good news is that you can train yourself to do it and as soon as you do, a whole world of relationship possibilities opens up to you. You stop resisting your current situation and start living into your desired outcome. Let me give you an example. Remember *Lisa*, from my previous blog? (Just to say right here, all names of clients are changed to protect privacy and reported events do not necessarily happen in the current time frame. These examples are written to serve you in your own relationships.) She had been unhappy living with her partner for a long time. The relationship had been drifting for several years, intimacy was almost nonexistent and communication was more about who did what in the house than loving and supportive. She told me that she whilst she was no longer able to live with the status quo; she was unable to make the decision to leave. She resisted and resisted the reality of her situation until she tied herself up in knots, lost her concentration and focus, and walked around in a daze of indecision, upset, lacking in energy and often times, feeling numb. She needed a Relationship Reality Check. We began to look more deeply into the reality of her situation and though it took a little time (because resistance is a powerful muscle) the fog lifted and Lisa clearly saw the truth of the matter. She could see where she had compromised, pretended, hoped and wished. Through our work she realised that she was simply not getting her own values met; neither she or her partner were able to grow together and the reality was this relationship was not going to change any time soon. In fact, she decided, it was complete. As soon as she got back in touch with reality and stopped resisting ‘What Is’, a great weight was lifted and she could now do what she needed to do to move forward.

We all know that it takes two to make a relationship, but the truth is that if you are not able to accept ‘what is’ and if you are arguing with your particular ‘reality’, you could find yourself stuck in a relationship that simply does not work for you because of your fear of letting it go and what you perceive that would mean to you. So what are you resisting right now? Where do you need a healthy dose of reality? Getting real is the first step to finding your happiness right now.

Five Top Relationship Reality Checks

• · Stay in Reality – no ‘if onlys’, no ‘perhaps’, no ‘hopefully’s. Stay with ‘what is’ and work from there.
• · Hold on To You – don’t lose your identity. You are more than just your relationship. That’s one possible part of your life and there are so many others. Hold on to you and hold on to your own reality.
• · Drop the Drama – Have personal pride and don’t spill yourself all over your friends like an episode of Eastenders. Keep your dignit. In front of the masses. Drama prolongs ‘what isn’t’ and keeps you from handling ‘what is’.
• · Learn from your situation. Get real. What behaviours must not be repeated in your next relationship or continue in your current one. Where do you resist reality and live in fantasy?
• · Get Up; Get Over it and most of all Get Happy. Thank your lucky stars you are back in touch with reality and be willing to do what it takes to make new choices for your life and your relationship.

Till tomorrow,

Love Francine

PS: Yesterday there was a misprint in the date of the demise of Denis Thatcher. He did of course pass away in 2003.