When you are going through the process of coming to terms with a separation from your partner, whether you are the leaver or the levee, some days will be tougher than others.

I have yet to find a total cure for sadness, but one that has been an immediate lifesaver to me during difficult times is to go shopping. Maybe it’s a woman thing, though I know plenty of guys who love shopping, but it works for me. Having had an evening meeting at the lovely Soho Hotel in London, I decided to give myself a little retail therapy and set off to the shops. Anyone out there last night will have enjoyed a relaxed atmosphere in balmy conditions and as I was approaching River Island I ran into a colleague I used to work with years ago. We had a chat and caught up and then I asked her if she was shopping for something special. She said ‘yes, I am Happiness Shopping’.

This sounded so great I wanted to know more. So, the idea is that you go to your favourite shop and buy something that simply lights you up. It could be anything from your favourite food to a chocolate candle, or in her case some very impractical lingerie. She told me that she and her partner had split up in February and one of her ‘getting over him’ strategies included making a list of things she loved doing and picking one to do on days that threatened to be turbulent. Today’s choice was shopping. So after work she had come to Oxford Street to be surrounded by people and buy underwear. I thought about what she had said and whilst I had also decided that shopping was top of my list today, I knew that my own ‘Happiness List’ would have to contain other things too, like walking around the lake near my home, listening to smooth saxophone music, spending time with friends or my kids, reading and writing and dancing. Thinking about this on the tube going home, I also realized that when I do these things, I do them just for me which provides me with a great deal of pleasure, in fact they allow me to ‘please myself’ and make myself happy. Any one of them can provide me with an experience of very personal pleasure. And here is what I know from my own experience as well as that of my courageous clients. If you cannot make yourself happy and you are waiting or looking for it from others, your relationships will almost always disappoint you. It's simply too much to ask to expect another person to provide you with all your happiness. Only you really know what gives you the most pleasure. You wake up with you, you go to bed with you, you know exactly what you like and what you need so why wait for someone else to give it to you? If you are in between relationships right now, why not just give yourself some pleasure and feel good immediately. I can guarantee you that when you are ready for relationship and it arrives as unexpectedly as it usually does, you will already be someone who is creative resourceful and whole, rather than someone clingy, needy or, god forbid, manipulative. Maybe now might be a very good time to ask yourself ‘What exactly makes me happy?’ Where do I go and what do I do when I am at my happiest or most peaceful? Where can I breathe or reclaim my excitement? What would I put on my ‘Happiness List’?

On those days when the going gets really tough, what will you do?

With Love from Francine x